Everything must go as planned:
The private mariachi band must invite me to solo for a song or two so I can sing in my funny operatic voice that is loved by everyone and never gets old.
After dinner, conversation will have to switch from focusing on my many accomplishments and the rubber band gun I made to hemidemisemiquavers, so I can show her that I know what that word means.
While watching the movie, my date will have to get distracted by my friend, Rob, doing an embarrassing monkey dance outside and throwing bananas in the air right outside our window. While she is distracted, Murphy will have to quickly change the DVD from A Walk to Remember to Batman Begins. My date will have to be having such a great time that she doesn't realize the movie has changed and she's too shy to ask.
During the part where Bruce Wayne is doing all those sissy push ups, my date will ask me how much I can bench press. But I will just show her my third place trophy from the pinewood derby. Now be quiet and watch the movie.
Boom.
If my date insists on having a NCMO (that's Non Commital Make Out for all you bookworms) then that might happen, just so all my roommates have to buy me ice cream. We made a rule.
The next part is difficult and will only happen with some careful dealing of the Go-Fish cards. After winning the game three times I will call it quits because I won't want my date to feel too inferior.
The date must include all these elements in addition to a few time outs for me to go eat some Cocoa Dyno Bites in the kitchen. You see, this isn't just a silly date, it's serious.
To end, we will write poetry, because if I go on a date, I want it to mean something.
